“I do it mine-self!”
If you’ve spent any time around two-year-olds, you’ve heard this phrase. Instead of allowing you to help fasten her seat belt, she has to do it. You cannot lift him into the high chair, he has to climb up.
As a caregiver, you must have superhero levels of patience while these tiny humans pass though this important developmental state.
Everything takes so much longer.
At some point in life, it doesn’t make sense to “do it mine-self!”
For years, I’ve insisted on cleaning my own house. To be more precise, I’ve expended massive energy to avoid consistently cleaning my own house.
And yet, I resisted hiring a cleaning person for a variety of reasons. How would I find a reliable cleaner who did a good job? How could I justify the expense? Wasn’t it my job to just do it—even though I hated and avoided it?
At the end of 2019, I came to the realization that withholding support for myself came with its own price: depleting my energy from negative self-talk, feeling martyrdom because my family didn’t seem to pitch in (which depleted my energy even more), and not enjoying a fresh, clean home.
I didn’t grow up in a family that had a house-cleaner. Our family philosophy was “don’t spend money on things that you can do yourself.” Also, “if you don’t know how to do it, learn.” As well as, “if you can’t do either of those, then stop wanting that thing.”
Can you relate?
As I created a vision board for 2020, one of my goals was to upgrade my support. Here, at the end of January, I can proudly say I’ve upgraded my support in a few different ways. One of them was to hire a house cleaner to come twice a month.
This decision was years in the making because I was living from the family philosophy of denial of support. The internal clutter clearing I did in 2019 gave me permission to make the best choices for my situation.
And it feels so good.
Can you imagine if that toddler-level “I do it mine-self” mindset is the one that runs your life, even past when it is developmentally appropriate?
I suspect you can. Perhaps you grew up with a similar family philosophy and have carried it forward despite the hidden costs of denying yourself support.
What if you could allow yourself more support? What kind of support would you most desire? Make a dream list of everything you could possibly delegate to someone else. It doesn’t have to be realistic. Just play around. Notice if any one thing grabs your attention more than the others.
Let yourself consider what would be involved with getting support in that area. Who do you know who could recommend that service? How much might it cost? What are the benefits of doing it? What are the costs of not doing it?
You, too, can allow more support into your life if your give yourself permission to let go of old beliefs about what you should or should not do. Instead, make decisions that align with what you desire. You can find the resources to get support, and most importantly, to support yourself.
Kate Varness, CPO-CD, COC, MA, Green Light Organizing and Coaching
P.S. Get your copy of Kate’s book, Who Am I Now? Realign Your Home and Life on Amazon.
P.S.S. Schedule your complimentary strategy session with Kate to find out more about clearing your internal clutter. https://schedulewithKateVarness.as.me/
