by Kate Varness
Sometimes it feels like you’ve never had a single success.
A part of you knows that’s a lie. In this moment, it seems like the truth.
Listen, I’m not here to talk you out of it — to say, “It’s okay. Things work out over time.”
Right now, thoughts are raining down on you about how much you suck. That you’ve always sucked. That no one can possibly think differently. That there’s no way you’re cut out for the goals you’ve set. That anyone with eyes can see that you don’t know what you are talking about.
I mean, who do you think you are?
And even if you did know, it’s impolite to brag about your gifts, or to want to buy nice things or take amazing vacations. Pride goes before the fall, and all that.
The best thing you can do is take your sorry ass over to the bed and cry under the covers. After that, you should update your resume so you can sell your soul to corporate life. Though it might be tedious, at least you’ll get a paycheck while you avoid feeling like an imposter.
Consider this. What if imposter syndrome was simply a signal?
I propose that imposter syndrome isn’t something we have to be afraid of experiencing. Instead, we can look at it as a predictable personal growth cycle that works like the image below.
1) STRETCH – You set a goal, try something new, put yourself out there as you haven’t before.
2) EXPAND – You notice the newness of this expanded place and how it’s hard to stay there for long because your old set point is creating resistance.
3) CONTRACT – You hear alarm bells in your nervous system. Will I be safe? What will people think? Can I succeed at this? Is it okay to learn as I go? Do I know enough? Will I get criticized?
What if the torrential rain of self-doubt and the flutters of nausea at what might happen was as normal a part of the entrepreneurial journey as driving over a rough patch of asphalt?
As you aspire to new goals, you’re expanding, stretching in ways that feel unfamiliar and vulnerable. Of course expansion would be followed by some contraction!
Knowing it’s normal doesn’t erase the discomfort of having all the feels.
It is possible that Aunt Rachel will cluck her tongue in disgust when you announce you’re giving Akashic Readings, or you’ve written a memoir, or launched an exclusive mastermind group.
I had to go through a whole process of acclimation when I came out as a Human Design coach.
I did all sorts of contortions to open that door and peek around to say, “Um, this Human Design thing sounds weird, but it’s really powerful.” Then I’d duck back in the closet and settle my nerves. Once I felt strong, I opened the door a bit wider and spoke a bit louder.
That’s the way it works, folks.
What’s useful about predicting the cycle.
Acknowledging that it is, indeed, a cycle gives you a sliver of control because when you stretch yourself and feel exposed, you can say, “Oh yeah, this is just what happens. It won’t last forever.”
Then you can be the observer of the story instead of its helpless victim. The whole story of suckitude can float away like a cloud.
If you keep flowing with the expansion and contraction process, your capacity will shift. You’ll get braver. You’ll gain mastery. You’ll be proud of yourself for persevering. You’ll learn that you have a choice with mental clutter.
Soon you’ll find that you don’t care what Aunt Rachel thinks.
She was never going to buy your services anyway.
P.S. It’s great to have support as you expand and contract. Schedule a Discovery Call with me to find out how we can work 1:1.
