By Kate Varness, clarity coach for busy women
If you’ve ushered in the calendar year with a goal, find out whether it’s built on a good foundation with the question below.
You may have already figured out your goal’s logistical details, such as:
- Having a plan for when, where, how, and with whom you’ll implement it;
- Creating the right environment with supporters and supplies you need and naysayers and temptations you don’t;
- Breaking the goal into incremental, achievable milestones; and
- Using techniques like setting timers and action reminders, visualizing success in your mind, or choosing a mantra so you rejoin the game when things don’t go as planned.
Logistics are great. You can use your mind to come up with all sorts of schemes for improvement. But here’s the deal. Your plans won’t amount to a hill of beans unless the goal is based more on your own heart’s desires and less on what others think you should do/be/have.
Consider Julia’s resolution
Julia is a 45-year-old mother of two teens, who left her corporate job in 2022 to start a consulting business. She wanted to use her expertise to make a real difference in her industry, something she couldn’t do as a cog in a large company.
Julia made some money in the last couple of years, just not as much as her previous salary. Her husband Luke wonders if her career leap was a mistake. Deep down Julia knows job burnout made leaving corporate the only option.
Julia’s aims to 10x her income this year. Even though she had that same goal last year and failed, this year WILL be the year she earns as much as her old salary. Then Luke will see the validity of her career shift.
She’s made a vision board with all the things they will pay off, buy, or do because of that income. Julia will look at her vision board daily. A new planner will maximize her productivity. No matter how many hours she works to get there; she will do it! She has to.
Let’s gauge whether Julia’s goal is built on solid or shaky ground with this key question: Is Julia’s 10x goal based on her inner desire or on something she’s trying to prove to others?
While aspects of Julia’s goal are driven by an inner desire to use her gifts, the bigger motivator is proving her worthiness (specifically to her husband, but probably to others) based on a single success measure: money.
Don’t misunderstand me. There’s nothing wrong with a money goal! The shaky foundation comes from trying to prove that she’s worthy and lovable because she attains this goal.
Resolutions based on proving yourself to others place you in a pressure cooker.
It sounds like:
- I have to achieve _____ or people will think I’m lazy.
- If I don’t look like _____, people will think I’ve let myself go.
- I won’t be successful unless I make ______ happen.
- I’m not a good enough (boss/mother/daughter/friend) if I don’t do ____.
Do you see the conditional aspect of this approach? Many resolutions are built on the idea of not being good enough, worthy or loveable until a certain thing happens.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
Reaching goals feels so good when you’re in flow.
But you can’t be in flow and in a pressure cooker at the same time.
- The pressure cooker vibe uses a different part of your nervous system – the fear-based part.
- Flow taps into creativity and inspiration, which is possible when you feel a sense of safety.
If the proving part were not in play, Julia’s experience might sound like, “It feels so good to be paid for my expertise. Every day, I’m connecting with people who are looking for my expertise. I love to use my gifts. I know this is the right path for me. I get to rest and relax along the way.”
Can you feel the foundation of inner fulfillment here?
It’s a much better motivator.
Now let’s see if your resolution passes the test.
Ask yourself this: “Am I trying to prove that I am worthy and loveable by achieving this goal?”
Don’t dismay if your resolution needs to be tweaked! Shift it by completing this sentence, “If I had nothing to prove, I would want to . . .”
If you come up blank with the above sentence exercise, it may mean you need support connecting with your heart’s desire. And that’s my specialty.
Let’s talk! Find your time here.