Do you have a tendency to overcommit?
Perhaps you have a fear of commitment, with a habit of quitting too early.
What both of these have in common is showing up to life in a half-hearted way. Half-heartedness represents the lower expression of Gate 29, which is our focus today.
The theme of Gate 29
Between August 17-22, the Sun is transiting in Gate 29. You can see the differing interpretations of this energy in the image below. When the going gets tough, and the road looks dark, what will you commit to?
Pattern 1: Saying yes when you really want to say no.
What do you think causes people to say yes to stuff they really don’t want to do?
I have a few theories:
- They do it because they are technically capable of the task.
- They don’t want the anticipated confrontation.
- They feel good when they please others.
- They don’t realize they can make a different choice.
Each of these reasons happens as a reaction. After the moment passes, you realize that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. And what about the pit-in-your-stomach realization that you’re now have to fit yet another thing into your already busy life.
Overcommitting will surely result in unhappiness within yourself and others.
Pattern 2: I don’t care that I said I’d do it. I’ll do what I want, when I want!
Here’s the other extreme when it comes to commitment. No one is the boss of you. Every agreement may be changed.
It’s not really independence as much it’s being unreliable.
There’s a price to relationships by living in this half-hearted way. The heaviest price is to one’s self-esteem. No one wants to think they’re letting others down, feeling ashamed or like a failure.
It’s a vicious pattern that reinforces itself, causing commitment to feel like a set-up.
Half-heartedness as dishonesty.
I hadn’t connected the dots on that one until I read Rudd’s words. But it’s so true. Whether it’s overcommitting or avoiding commitment, you’re not being straight with others, and more importantly, yourself.
There’s nothing that erodes self-trust like realizing you are a lying liar-pants. It’s not living life with integrity, passion, and the full commitment of perseverance and devotion.
Gate 29 asks us to be so connected to our life force that we know exactly what we will do to achieve a worthy goal, no matter if the path is dark or light.
In the end, we can raise our life satisfaction by noticing unfortunate patterns and aligning to a higher expression of who we are.
Try these pattern-breaking actions.
Antidotes to over-committing.
1) Implement a 24-hour rule. This means you have to get back to the person making the request once you’ve looked at your calendar and asked yourself, “Do I have the energy for this?”
2) Be honest with yourself. Every yes you say to something you don’t want to do means saying no to something you do want to do.
3) Tune in to life cycles. Everything has a natural cycle – whether that’s the clothes you wear, who you are friends with, or your hobbies. When a cycle ends, you get to decide whether that commitment is still a yes or if it’s time to move on. Yes, this applies to clutter, too! 😀
Antidotes to fear of commitment.
1) The 24-hour rule works here as well. Think through some of the steps required and decide whether you really want to do this or whether it would feel suffocating. Be alert to how it does or doesn’t fit into your schedule.
2) Set expectations via direct communication. Don’t assume that you know what they expect. Ask. Negotiate aspects that don’t feel right. Allow yourself the empowerment of asking for what works for you. Clear expectations can break the pattern of quitting when it seems like you can’t win.
I hope that you are enjoying this series. Let me know what insights you received from today’s email!
xoxo,
P.S. Are you a coach or consultant who took a group marketing program? Did you get the important messaging pieces done?
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