By Kate Varness, clarity coach for busy women
The “Why” Loop
If you’re stuck in the “why” loop right now, instead of being unconsciously driven, ask yourself this question: “What will I gain by knowing the answer?”
- Do you want information to protect you from having it happening in the future?
- Do you want to identify someone or something to blame?
I think we get stuck in the “why” loop because we want to feel in control in an uncontrollable universe.
Makes sense that we’d take that approach, doesn’t it?
Feeling some control – even if part of us knows it’s an illusion – is better than orbiting in existential chaos.
The problem is that the quest for control often becomes the road to madness because it never ends.
Instead of trying to tame the universe, turn to wonder
Fortunately, you can refocus the search-for-control-why into something that feels better: the wonder-filled-why.
Wonder is born from curiosity and exploration. It’s a totally different vibe that’s more noticing and less forcing an answer.
Here are some examples of the search-for-control-why versus the wonder-filled-why:
- Instead of “Why can’t I sleep?” it’s “I wonder why I sleep better on the weekend?”
- Instead of “Why am I sick again?” it’s “I wonder why my body keeps forcing me to slow down?”
The knowledge that comes from being open to wonder is much different than what’s gathered with the mental pressure to know.
So how do you get from “why is this happening” to “I wonder why?”
Shift with these three steps.
FIRST – Use the H.A.L.T. self-check to determine if you are under-resourced right now. This handy acronym stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.
Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, address it so you can handle whatever is coming your way from a replenished state.
SECOND – Anytime you feel the mental pressure of why, repeat this phrase: “It’s okay for me to not know right now.”
This phrase redirects your nervous system away from survival mode and into the possibility of calm. Don’t try to force anything. Simply repeat the phrase.
THIRD – Go enjoy something beautiful or majestic or fun. You’ll know you’ve hit the wonder-filled reset button when the little kid in you goes “Wow!”
Some ideas: look up videos or photos of the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls; hold something and think about all the people and steps involved in creating it and getting it into your hands; listen to your favorite music with headphones and pay attention to the different instruments and vocals that come together to produce a reaction in you.
Now, return to your life situation and see if you’re still stuck in having to know why. I suspect you’ll have a fresh perspective, perhaps even a wonder-filled one.
Gate 61 and the power of Human Design
This blog was inspired by the Human Design Gate 61, which is transiting in the sun position as I write this. There’s so much wisdom and self-discovery available through Human Design, which is one of the reasons I use it in my life coaching business.
Each person has a unique Human Design Bodygraph based on their birth time, date, and place.
That’s means YOU are one-of-a-kind and can have clear, personalized information for how you are naturally meant to move through life and, even more powerful, what approaches you can leave behind.
If you want the freedom of living as your true self, let’s explore how to get there together. Book a free discovery call here.
