Last weekend I finished a t-shirt quilt project for my recent high school grad. I cut t-shirts my son wore during high school activities into squares, sewed them together and added a cuddly backing with the emblem of his chosen university.

The process brought up a bit of emotional turmoil, and not in the I’m-sad-he’s-leaving-home way.

Instead, I had a battle with perfectionism.

That Old, Familiar Voice

While I support aiming for one’s best, I reject perfection as a concept because it’s built on the faulty premise that perfection is even attainable.

Despite having fought this battle many times, I heard the loud voice of the Perfection Monster pointing out my sewing mistakes.

I realize I’m never going to win 4-H awards for my seamstress skills. I mostly just estimate measurements by “eyeing it.” The phrase, “that’s close enough,” sums up my approach pretty well.

Usually, close enough is fine. Flexibility and resourcefulness may even be my superpower.

The Shame Game

So, why did I feel so much shame when I looked at the crooked seams or places it didn’t lay quite right?

“You’re so bad at this,” the critical voice taunted. “Why do you even try? How many hours did you put in and it still is messed up? Why don’t you just admit you suck at details?”

The Perfection Monster was pretty vicious. I’m not even sure where that voice came from.

I would never speak that way to anyone else, and I would object if someone actually said those words to me. Why would I allow the voice in my head to say them to me?

Letting Perfectionism Drive

In the past, there was no distinction between the critical voice driving me to perfection and the real me. The inner critic ruled supreme, whether I made obvious mistakes or received recognition from others, the efforts were never good enough.

There is no “good enough” in perfection. It can always be better. Someone else has achieved it to a higher degree and you do not measure up.

In this race to being perfect, you never arrive at the finish line.

Even if someone else declares that you are the best, you do not experience satisfaction—at least, not the kind that lasts.

You cannot have peace in your life as long as you chase perfection.

Do you long for peace? Then it’s time to choose a different approach.

Separate from the Perfection Monster

You aren’t denying the monster its voice as much as you are noticing the words it is saying.

When you hear the critic, say to yourself, “Hello Perfectionism, there you are again.”

The more you imagine this critic as separate from your true self, the more you can make a different choice. For now, you just need to notice.

Awareness is a powerful muscle to build.

Once your awareness strengthens, you can begin to ask yourself questions like, “Is it true that this scrunched up seam means that my son won’t appreciate that I made this quilt?”

Of course, he will still appreciate it!

When he snuggles up with the soft blanket over his Fall semester, he will remember how special he is to me. This quilt is a treasure not because of perfection, but because of intention and completion.

Unchecked Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination

Without challenging the voice of perfectionism, I’d likely have done nothing.

My intention to create the t-shirt quilt would not have resulted in project completion.

Also, my son would not get to enjoy it.

Seems to me that there’s really no point to chasing perfection if you never get to feel satisfied, or if your unrealistic expectations ruin finishing or even starting on something.

Celebrate What Is

In Japanese ceramics, the tradition of Kintsugi (“golden joinery”) highlights repairs or imperfections on pottery pieces by using powered gold to join it together rather than camouflaged adhesive. The piece becomes more special, not less, because of its repair.

The only one pointing out my mistakes was my own inner critic—the Perfectionist Monster—who still shows up now and then, usually when I want something to be extra special.

I greet her and then let her words wash away. I’m learning to stop apologizing for being imperfect because it doesn’t benefit anyone.

That shame of imperfection disappears when placed in the light of awareness. And when shame disappears, I have more space to shine through in wholeness.

In the light, I see the huge grin on my son’s face as he holds up his new quilt.

And it is so beautiful.

If perfectionism is running your life (and ruining it) let’s talk. Life coaching builds awareness muscles to take you through the steps of making self-compassionate choices.

Schedule a discovery call with Kate.