Often, our greatest self-knowing shows up in contrast: light and the darkness, noise and quiet, expected and unexpected.
When creating graphics, a designer doesn’t fill every space within an advertisement with words and images because crowding the space impairs our perception. Instead, she composes the graphic by leaving adequate space as “white space.”
The absence of filled space brings impact to the image. It provides the contrast for perceiving.
The white space allows us to see.
Before COVID-19, many of us lived noisy lives.
With three kids, a husband, two dogs, a transitioning business, and many more responsibilities, I have been part of the cult of busy, saying things like, “I wish things would slow down!” and “I wish I could have more time to _____.”
Fill the blank with your choice of important, but not urgent, tasks. For me, the blank is filled by exercise, healthy eating, and a few other “someday” projects.
When life is noisy those intentions can stay safely in the land of make-believe, no effort required.
And then life got quiet.
There were no sports events to attend, no travel time to meetings, errands became fewer, and all the activities that filled our lives before had to be adjusted.
Quiet has become the new white space, the contrast from which we perceive our lives.
For people who are accustomed to busy-ness, quiet feels deafening, like the neighbor kid practicing his trombone at midnight.
You just want it to stop.
Some people have turned to food, alcohol, Netflix-binging, sleeping, or whatever else might numb the stillness for a while—all to avoid what the quiet might reveal. Perhaps one’s marriage is broken beyond repair or an unhealed trauma is stepping out of the shadows.
Suddenly, you cannot cover up your low-level unhappiness.
It feels intolerable to tolerate those things you went along with before: loneliness, work that isn’t fulfilling, poor self-care, never getting to those important, but not urgent, projects.
Just like a pillow will not drown out the halting, irritating noise of the trombone, there’s no amount of alcohol, sugar, or Netflix to shut out the quiet.
So, maybe listen to what the quiet is telling you about your life.
Change usually happens when we are pushed into it.
My friend, perhaps you should be thankful. You would have never arrived at this stage of change without the coronavirus situation.
Will you use this uncomfortable push?
You can either step towards addressing what you have been avoiding or you can increase your avoidance while you wait for life to return to “normal” (which we all know isn’t going to be the same as before anyway).
Let’s explore how quarantine can be a wake-up call.
(I’m asking for only ten minutes of brainstorming. Do it right now, when you are thinking of it. We all know how it works out to “do it later.” It’s not gonna happen.)
If you have been thinking about who you want to be on the other side of the quarantine, you are going to have to take some action that moves you from blithely asking the question to consciously getting clear about 1) what those changes are, and 2) how the changes will be incorporated.
Answer these contrasting questions to get clear on the what. I’ll cover the how next time.
- What you miss about your life before COVID-19? What do you NOT miss?
- What activities are you doing during quarantine that feel good? What activities are not serving you?
- What 2-3 truths are now undeniable? What’s important about accepting them?
Share this activity.
Process your answers with a friend, if you desire. Pairing with a friend will increase your accountability. You can also use questions about what you have gained and lost to help your children process.
When you process openly, you demonstrate intentional living. You hone your discernment skills. You wake up to your personal power.
These are all important pieces of a well-lived life.
An invitation . . .
Email Kate@KateVarness.com with the subject line “GROUP” to say you are interested in an online group to process how the quarantine is impacting us. If I get enough interest, I will send you the group information.
May your self-knowledge be ever increasing,
Kate
