If you’re a woman juggling a busy life while building a thriving online business, the holidays may feel like more of an obligation than a time of joy. The demands on your time multiply, leaving you trying to extract energy from an empty energy bank. Today, I offer a respite for the chaos. Let’s slow down and take stock of how you can be intentional, efficient, and organized during the holidays so that you experience the holiday magic you used to enjoy.

What you expect of yourself.

Have you wrapped your head around the additional projects you might have over the next few weeks?

Projects such as:

• planning for gatherings
• prepping your home to host guests
• buying gifts
• decorating your home
• sending out holiday cards
• making travel arrangements & more

Somehow, these additional projects need to fit themselves into your regular busy life. Does that feel overwhelming? The stress vibe quickly turns to grumpiness and the burden of obligation.

But it doesn’t have to. You do have a choice. You can experience more joy, and it all starts with asking one question. 

Before I share the question, download the 2021 Holiday Planning Guide. This will make your project planning easier.

Note the additional projects that will be on your plate over the next few weeks. Use the list above to jog your memory. This should just take a couple of minutes.

• Note the additional projects that will be on your plate over the next few weeks. Use the list above to jog your memory. This should just take a couple of minutes.
• Next, start filling out the to-dos within each project.
• Pay attention to how it feels inside as you write these things down. Are you excited? Burdened? Overwhelmed?

  You can choose your experience.

This is the moment where you get to redefine how you want to approach the holidays.

As you look at the lists – especially the ones that feel burdensome – ask yourself the golden question: Does this really matter?

Your intuition is going to give you a clear yes or no. Where it gets tricky is in how to renegotiate what feels like an obligation.

Find your way out of obligation.

It’s one thing to know you don’t want to do something; it’s another to say something to change things.

Not quite as easy for those of us who have been raised to be people pleasers, is it?

Just like any change, getting practice with speaking up and renegotiating the situation will make it easier and easier to live a life not determined by obligation, but by what you determine as worth the energy.

During our coaching sessions, my clients and I become more aware of what assumptions are being made.

Looking at different angles makes all the difference to go from the way things have always been done to being liberated from obligation.

Assumptions that keep you stuck in obligation.

1) Believing you are the only one.

Truth is, you probably aren’t. Others are just too chicken to say something. Identify who might be open to making the change and find out how they want things to be. There’s power in numbers. Most likely, there’s only one or two people acting as gatekeepers of the way things have always been done who make others reluctant to ask for a change.

2) Thinking you know what the gatekeepers want.

While you probably have a good idea why your parents insist that everyone must show up at their house on Christmas Day, you may not know what is most important about that tradition. To get the underlying scoop on things, ask them, “What’s important to you about the family getting together on Christmas Day?” You may discover that it’s more about everyone making it a priority to spend time together than that particular day. Gather this information before bringing up alternatives.

3) Not including yourself on your list of people to please

Your levels of stress (or joy) matter. In fact, how you feel ripples out to those around you – especially those whom you love. Are you really making the right choice when you do something for loved ones out of obligation and it makes you crabby and unable to be present? I suspect that your loved ones prefer when your needs get taken into account. Be the pitcher that fills others’ cups from a place of overflow, not sacrifice.

Consider these questions.

• Have you been imprisoning yourself in obligation by making any of these assumptions? 

• What is possible when you can see the situation from a different perspective? 

• Does it really matter if you don’t send holiday cards this year? Could you simplify your gift-giving? Is this the year you choose to have Christmas Eve at home and not on the road?

The situations that you’ve set up as unchangeable can be renegotiated. 

You might discover that the thing keeping you stuck are unexamined assumptions about how it should be. By slowing down to take a look at those assumptions, you can ask where it came from. 

Likely, you have absorbed a judgement about people who don’t do ___. Maybe they’re selfish. Maybe they’re lazy. When you identify that piece of the puzzle, you can shift the dynamics of what is going on and make a different choice.

What helps to shed assumptions and fortify your true self.

My favorite tool to use in clarity coaching sessions is Human Design because it shows where you are living by other people’s assumptions and judgements, also known as conditioning. Human Design highlights your natural energy flow, your talents, and how to live with purpose. This tool has been a game-changer for me to take control of my busy life and to thrive in my online coaching business.

If you’re curious about Human Design, I have a gift for you! Download it here and take the another step towards being fully empowered.

Experience more joy and less obligation now!

When you act out of obligation – whether that’s managing extra projects during the holidays, insisting that you can’t possibly hire out housecleaning, or thinking that someone else has the formula to create a profitable business – you give away your power and feel burdened. I’m here to remind you that you get to choose!

Your level of holiday joy depends on:Asking yourself if it really matters

Simplifying or eliminating what doesn’t matteFocusing your energy and time on what does bring you joy 

The way to spread holiday joy is to first experience it yourself. 

Don’t get carried away by the chaos of the holidays. Now, more than ever, we hunger for what feels meaningful and true. 

Can you commit to live with intention? How would that look for you? Comment below.