by Kate Varness
One thing I have learned from fifteen years of organizing and coaching is that people carry a lot of shame around disorganization. The mess limits their social life. It interferes with good family relations. Most of all, though, cluttered homes can cause people to feel like failures.
Cleanliness, godliness, and mind-your-own-business
Thinking a messy home equals a flawed personality is one of my pet peeves. Why? Because, first of all, a person’s inherent value has no conditions. Second, I dislike the moral equation because there are plenty of factors outside one’s full control that interfere with organization. Having children, for example. Or ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.
I’m not advocating that you start tossing your empty cups on the floor.
Instead, I want you to unlink the concepts of being organized and superiority. Until you do, you will be at the mercy of other people’s opinions. While you may be unable to quell the stuff tornado left behind by a three-year old, you do have control over who defines your sense of value as a person.
In case it isn’t clear: YOU are the one who defines your value.
Instead of measuring that by what other people say or might say, let’s look at a different yardstick.
Tune in to feeling good
“Get dressed all the way to your shoes.” This advice comes from the FlyLady, a.k.a. Marla Cilley. At one point, I thought her words were a bit over the top. I considered the idea of having a shiny kitchen sink—another core teaching—to be even more extreme.
My misunderstanding was that Cilley advocated for a shiny sink and wearing shoes as some kind of moralistic advice. I don’t think she meant it that way. Walking in to a kitchen with a shiny sink makes you feel different than walking in to a kitchen sink filled with crusty dishes. Walking around in your slippers all day may mean you act more like a slug than if you “get dressed all the way to your shoes.”
The sink and the shoes aren’t the only small habit change to aid completing tasks rather than procrastinating them. Please understand that the purpose of the small habit change is not to achieve a moral standard, it is to start a positive cycle that makes you happy. I won’t judge your for wearing “comfy clothes” 27/7.
The question I want you to answer—strictly for your own self—is how does one behavior make you feel versus another behavior?
A tale of two drawers
These boxes represent desk supply drawers. You can find a pen or Sharpie in the one on the left and you would be able to close the lid. In my definition of organized (being able to find what you need when you need it), it fits the criteria.
You could add a criterion to the mix, though. This one gets at how satisfying it feels to open the drawer.
The drawer on the right feels easy, like breathing a sigh of relief. The items are grouped but also simplified, which means that not all the pens that worked were kept. This drawer has just enough pens to function and be maintainable. It’s the less is more principle.
The truth about having a neat drawer
A neat drawer and “getting dressed all the way to your shoes” share a common truth: the most satisfying part of being organized happens when you feel like you have it together. Depending on the number of factors beyond your control, that might mean your whole home feels that way, or it might mean that you zealously guard a single, neat drawer of pens.
When you see reminders that you are living your life in a way you feel good about, it leads to more actions that support living in a way that you intend.
This happens incrementally. Please do not set yourself up with all-or-nothing expectations of wearing shoes, shining your sink, and simplifying your pens if that’s too much of a change for you.
Small habit changes accumulate. You get a little boost every time you shift a small habit and it sticks. That’s the point. Not that Aunt Edna won’t find anything to criticize next time she visits. Adjust your measuring stick to what adds to your well-being and you will see, drawer by drawer, how wonderful you can feel.
Xoxo,
Getting organized is not just about the stuff. It begins with mindset. If you need help shifting your mindset and habits to get organized, reach out for your free discovery call. Email Kate@GreenLightOrganizing.com to set up your time.
